Marriage equality is the topic of the day. And while the important aspects of why marriage equality is important are overlooked, the uglier aspects of anything discussing homosexuality or anything not within the heteronormative sphere we’re accustomed to begin to come out. Rather than attack merits of law, we bring in religion or personal fears that lead to hateful words.
I’m an individual who strives to live her life making small impacts in others’ lives through kindness and teaching her children to respect people’s religions, cultures, lifestyles, and orientations. I teach them not to judge but to listen. I teach them forgiveness. I want nothing more than an understanding despite opposing viewpoints. I respect being able to identify when your experience regarding a subject is too limited to formulate an opinion that has justifiable weight – I have to stay quiet often and educate myself before opening my mouth myself. Research is key to any argument. But winning isn’t what matters, it’s learning – not just about a subject, but about the person you’re speaking with. And for anyone talking with me, they should know kindness and empathy are very important to me.
Sometimes I get mad. As we do. Because we are human. So let me say this: I feel like an incognito queer person, using my invisibility for good, hoping that by knowing me as a person your view of the LGBTQA community might be inclined to change to the positive, and only wind up being hurt in the process. While listening to homophobic remarks and feeling as if I can say nothing because I don’t want to hurt or offend as I’ve been hurt and offended, I turn inward and do what I do best. I heal my anger and hurt by being kind; after all, you don’t treat others with kindness because they are kind, but because you are. I give what I can and hopefully what others need. Maybe it’s a supportive word, a hug, or a plate of cookies – however I can make someone else’s day better despite mine being made worse is how I feel I can better the world.
But then that terrible asshole part of me (that everyone has) just has to laugh if someone makes negative remarks regarding sexual or romantic orientation without knowing, or possibly forgetting, or maybe not even caring that they are saying this in front of me because despite appearances, I am not straight and have been openly not straight for twelve years. I slide down the Kinsey scale faster than a firefighter sliding down a pole, only the three alarm fire in my case is an attractive person. But that’s okay. You’re firm in your beliefs and I am firm in mine. You will continue to bring negativity into individual lives of people with non-hetero sexualities that have nothing to do with your own individual existence while I continue to just try to be a kind and decent human being. And I’ll still bake you cookies.
But those cookies you ate? Queer made.