Kickstarter for Sebastian Junger’s “Korengal”

Kickstarter for Sebastian Junger’s “Korengal”

Sebastian Junger and the late Tim Hetherington did a great thing. 

They embedded with our boys in the 2-503rd, 173rd ABN BDE out of Vicenza, Italy during a deployment to a remote area in Afghanistan in 2007-2008. It was a 15 month deployment for our guys (I say ‘ours’ because it was my husband’s battalion and…well, they’re my boys – always will be), and we went through a lot of loss. Out of this deployment, Sebastian wrote the book War, Tim put together Infidel, and the two put out the award winning documentary Restrepo (which you can view on Netflix). 

Before Tim was killed in Libya, he and Sebastian had talked about revisiting their unused footage from Restrepo and show a more in depth and personal view of what it was like for the guys during the deployment and after they came home. Sebastian has moved forward with their plan, and Korengal is the result. He’s trying to raise enough to get it out to American audiences in theaters, and needs to raise $75,000 by the end of May to make this happen. 

The story of the 173rd is a personal one to me, but my bias aside, this is a continuation of an important story that the public needs to see. Take the time to view the Kickstarter video and read the letter from Sebastian, back if you can, and either way – please share. 

Thank you,

Sky Soldiers.

Exhausted Writer Seeks Energy and Time Machine

I have projects. That could actually be my slogan. I’ve finished the finals on two more classes, leaving only two condensed courses from here through the middle of May until I graduate. I’m so tired. I can’t say this is as tired as I’ve ever been, because well, having a toddler with the flu and a brand new baby while having a pulmonary embolism made me pretty tired. Nothing will ever compare to that. But I am tired. And a bit burned out. Either way, I’ve got stuff to do, because I can’t stop for a moment without having yet another project beginning.

I’ve signed up to do CampNaNoWriMo with some tumblr friends to give me some focus on working on a novel I’m toying with. I haven’t looked at the one I started last January since around April of last year so I might pick that up just to look it over. It was the first chapter of that novel that was reworked into a short story and was published in the Warriors Arts Alliance Proud To Be: Writing American Warriors anthology. I’m trying to decide what to write to submit to them within the next month, and have at least one other writing contest I’m looking to enter. By the time all this finishes, I’ll have graduated with my Associate of Arts degree and am taking the summer off to write. I have a poetry chapbook I’m working on, and all my other stories that are laying around.  At least I have tons of characters to keep me company on lonely nights.

For fun I’m starting a multi-fandom Etsy shop called EndVerseCreations with metal stamped jewelry, mugs, leather bracelets, etc. Because no matter how much I have going on with school and writing and cub scouts and coach pitch and swim lessons, take the boys fishing, paint, scrimshaw, working toward a physical fitness goal, trying to keep up a YouTube page and running a ton of blogs (my mental health one growing substantially and I forgot I promised to try to write a book for them this summer), there’s never enough for me to do. Although I do really want to take some time, maybe this weekend, to read The Maze Runner.

But first, now that finals are over and classes don’t start until…Monday (today is Friday for those playing at home), ZONK.

Sex Objects and the Idea of Empowerment

Sex Objects and the Idea of Empowerment

At first I was hesitant to watch the video.  I wanted to argue and say, “But I like feeling sexy. I like being make up free and lounging in my hoodie, but I also like getting glammed up and feeling beautiful.” I thought this video was going to tell me I’m a terrible woman for feeling confident and empowered when I feel my best – even if it’s dressing like a pin-up model.

But this was not what the video was about. It’s about being portrayed a sex object – an object, not a sexy woman. It’s about dehumanizing someone for the purpose of selling something. It’s about oversexualization of younger and younger people. It’s the increase in our culture to be okay with sex trafficking, rape, and unrealistic standards of “beauty” that affect how we think, move, and speak – and even how we interact with each other woman to woman. I love my make up. I love dressing either comfortably or showing a little skin because I love making myself feel confident. But I’m not an object. I’m not an abstract idea. I’m a human being; and it’s far too ingrained in our society that conforming to a certain ideal comprises our worth when it doesn’t. 

Reminding Myself that I kick ass.

I was getting down on myself (as you do) about how I haven’t accomplished much in the past year and I really need to kick myself in the ass and get moving, and how I spend too much time on the internet (specifically tumblr) and should be writing and whatnot, but then I realized something – in 2013, I did the following:

  • Started college full-time and got 32 credit hours completed, with a 4.0 in my last semester and a 3.9 in my classes overall. Thanks to my Army experience and dual-enrollment in HS, I’ll be graduating (as long as I can pass College Algebra) this spring with my Associates (after a grueling course load) and then continuing on to work on another degree. 
  • I edited the first chapter of a novel I’m working on into a short story, submitted it on a whim at the suggestion of a friend, and it was published.
  • I got to go read my work and meet other writers and Vets, and attended a mini-writer’s conference that was a pretty amazing experience.
  • I helped my oldest son make a TARDIS pinewood derby car and made a Dalek one for my youngest. 
  • I did oil painting and learned scrimshaw. 
  • I participated in GISHWHES.
  • Made some tumblr-friends.
  • I had the kids to myself majority of the year with the Man gone on deployment, long hours at work, and school in another state for two months. I did all the yard work on top of my work and Mom duties with swim lessons, cub scouts, coach-pitch, and volunteered for book fairs. 
  • I participated in Endure4Kindness to raise money for Random Acts.
  • Ran multiple blogs with over a thousand cumulative followers – one of which helps people with Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety, and Depression. 
  • And I did all this while working on overcoming my social anxiety (I barely need my medication now – my progress is nothing short of amazing in the past six months alone), handling Borderline symptoms, and dealing with Major Depressive Disorder. 

So you know what? I kind of kick ass. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves of that.

Even if I do spend a lot of time on the internet. 

“The conversation no one else is having.” – The Good Men Project

How have I not heard of this? I guess because it’s the conversation that no one else is having. I happened upon this site after someone on fb shared a link to a story about why men don’t cheat, and interested in human sexuality as I am, I went to check it out. I was blown away by the response of the article and actually cheered at one point. So I ventured further, hitting up the About section, and was extremely pleased at this ‘let’s break the mold of masculinity’ stance that is feminist and makes me hopeful for a change in media coverage of men. 

“Guys today are neither the mindless, sex-obsessed buffoons nor the stoic automatons our culture so often makes them out to be. Our community is smart, compassionate, curious, and open-minded; they strive to be good fathers and husbands, citizens and friends, to lead by example at home and in the workplace, and to understand their role in a changing world.” 

This is pretty great, not just for men, but for everyone who wants to see a change in the definition of what is masculine and feminine, gender roles, and media portrayal of either sex that promotes certain expectations and condones bad behavior. While I’m sure as with any website I won’t agree with all the published material; but after a brief overview, I’m impressed with what I’ve seen. It’s kinda cool.
I like. 

Update on the Bookish Act of Kindness

As anyone who knows me knows, books are extremely important to me. I remember reading a book a day during third and fourth grade. Because of my love for reading, I won an essay competition on the prompt “Reading Takes You Places” when I was nine. That’s probably when I realized that writing was what I wanted to do. Now that I’m a parent, I take joy in seeing my oldest doing the same thing as I did when I was his age. We have to tell him to turn off his reading light some nights when it gets too late and he’s hiding under the sheets trying to finish one more chapter. So you can understand why children having access to books – good books – is extremely important to me.

After talking with the school administration at the grade school, I determined that the best way for me to get books for the kids was to buy them for the classrooms. We set up the book fair (which of course I volunteer for because books), and I came to work on Saturday. There was a table in the entry where we have drawings for baskets filled with books – one for the younger kids, one for the older kids – and a cork board with little envelopes filled with book requests from teachers. It was mostly the teachers of the younger grades and speech teachers, but there were a few 5th grade teachers who made a wishlist. Before it got busy, I tasked my sons out to finding books. I went through each teacher’s wishlist (that usually consisted of about three or four books that they wished they had in their classroom) and picked a book. I called it out, and they would find it, or they tried to at least.

We ended it up with twelve or more books ranging from Chester the Brave to The Maze Runner.
Here are some of the donation slips that didn’t get lost in my purse: 


We had put gift stickers inside with the name of the teacher and my oldest’s name for who it was from. Most didn’t know who Philip was, but asked the office. I happened to be picking them up for an appointment when one of the secretaries told a woman in the office, “This is Philip’s mom.” She was one of the teachers, and she thanked me for the book. Philip wound up coming home with a handful of Thank You notes from very appreciative teachers.

Since it was just our little family and money’s tight, the Buy One Get One Free at the book fair allowed us to do this.
I’m hoping that maybe one day I’ll be able to get all the books on the teacher’s wishlists. Having books for classrooms that kids can read for years to come is great for everyone involved.

A Paper on BPD and Counseling

Counseling and the Borderline Personality

Ashley D. Wallis

                Making the decision to begin counseling, whether it is individual, couple, family, or group counseling can be a difficult choice.  Depending on the situation, the counseling sessions could be short term for temporary issues or extend into psychotherapy for more long term or permanent mental health issues.  Over the course of the counseling experience, a client may encounter various counseling theories and practices, as well as more than one kind of therapy.  Additionally, many mental health issues have co-occurring conditions that require various modes of counseling to accomplish goals set by the counselor and client. One such diagnosis is Borderline Personality Disorder, sometimes referred to as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, which is rarely diagnosed alone.  With a stigma that prevails even in among the mental health helpers in the psychiatric community, the disorder is often ignored or seen as difficult to treat.  Over the years, people with Borderline Personality Disorder have begun to speak out, and more effort has been made in using various therapies and counseling options for those seeking wellness.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) got its name in 1938 from what New York psychoanalyst Adolf Stern called the borderline between psychosis and neurosis.  (Lillenfield & Arkowitz, 2012) A misnomer, BPD is not closely related to disorders of psychosis, and the borderline patient is not the stereotypical psychotic person they are often portrayed as or perceived to be. The disorder (that affects about 2% of the population) is thought to be brought on by genetic predisposition, neurobiology, and environmental factors. People with BPD may have difficulty controlling their emotions or thoughts, lack a sense of self, fears abandonment, have problems with impulsivity or reckless behavior, and have unstable relationships. (National Institute of Mental Health) The fourth revision of the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual for Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) had nine criteria that were found prevalent in those with BPD. When a client showed recent and chronic displays of five or more of the listed criteria, they could be diagnosed.  In 2013, the DSM-5 changed the diagnosing criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder, citing levels of personality functioning instead of the proposed trait system used in the previous edition. (Sarkis)  Both men and women can suffer from the mental illness. Women are more commonly diagnosed, with co-conditions such as depressive and anxiety disorders as part of their Axis-I or II diagnosis. Male patients are more likely to have antisocial personality disorder or substance abuse problems as co-conditions.  The overall effect of Borderline Personality Disorder is a chaotic identity marked with instability of thought patterns to include emotional regulation problems.  The borderline often has difficulty with family and other relationships, and keeping a job can be difficult for some either from frequent hospital stays, troubled work relationships, or impulsivity to include abruptly quitting a job.  Over the course of a day in the life of a borderline, emotions are turbulent and can change at the slightest provocation, or trigger. This emotional rollercoaster also includes moving from adoration of a person and detesting them the next in a thought pattern called splitting.  The emotions of the borderline personality were explained by clinical psychologist Marsha Linehan in a quote to Time magazine in 2009: “Borderline individuals are the psychological equivalent of third-degree-burn patients. They simply have, so to speak, no emotional skin.” (Lillenfield & Arkowitz, 2012)

BPD has increased co-morbidity when Major Depressive Disorder, eating disorders, substance abuse problems, or another mental health issue is also diagnosed – up to 70% in some cases. (National Alliance on Mental Illness) With a 10% suicide rate and proclivity for self-harm, thoughts of suicide or suicide attempts, and frequent emergency room visits, people with this disorder were often institutionalized or deemed too difficult to treat in the past, leaving not much room for hope for wellness.  This is now changing. Despite having a misleading diagnostic name and no medication that actively treats the disorder itself, treating the co-occurring conditions such as depression and anxiety with regulated medication and using various therapy types have increased the ability for borderlines to live relatively normal, functioning lives.

The stigma of borderlines to be manipulative and harsh with counselors has caused the mere mention of the diagnosis to cause dread for both patient and mental health professionals.   Some clinicians are hesitant to diagnose BPD officially because of the stigma, and provide depression or another mental disorder as the Axis I diagnosis to insurance companies to ensure the client will get the counseling they need.  This stigma is so prevalent that Harvard University psychiatrist George Valiant noted that clinicians who are frustrated with patients who are difficult to manage sometimes diagnose their client as having the disorder, often simply for being challenging. (Lillenfield & Arkowitz, 2012) As more and more people with BPD are speaking out about their experiences, this stigma is slowly starting to change.  In 2011, when Dr. Marsha Linehan, who founded the most often used therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder revealed that she had been an inpatient with BPD as a teenager and dubbed “one of the most disturbed patients in the hospital” due to her self-mutilating behavior, people in the psychiatric community were shocked. After a second hospitalization, Linehan went on to earn a Ph.D. in 1971 – something considered an unsurmountable feat for someone with the disorder.  (Lillenfield & Arkowitz, 2012) With new therapies and a better understanding of how the neurobiology and environmental factors work together, hope has been given to those in the BPD community who seek wellness.

As there is no one medication that treats the disorder, medications that treat underlying conditions such as depression and anxiety tend to work for some time with the patient, but inevitably become ineffective.  The personality of the borderline does not change; even twenty to thirty years after treatment, those diagnosed with BPD may still retain the aspects of personality that are chronically troubled. This includes the instability of relationships and dissatisfaction with their lives with continued social isolation. (Kernberg & Michels, 2009) Although this seems like a bleak outlook, current therapies are showing to help patients move into a place of “recovery.” Likened to any common chronic medical condition, people with BPD can have relatively normal lives and function well in society as long as they take their prescribed medications, attend therapy as needed, and learn to manage their emotions.  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) was used for BPD patients before Marsha Linehan’s Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) was established by modifying CBT to fulfill the needs of self-harming borderlines.  DBT, a psychosocial therapy, teaches the patient mindfulness and grounding similar to Buddhist teachings and even yoga practices in individual, group, as well as on-call therapy. Many borderlines that undergo DBT develop a routine involving meditation to keep them grounded and to feel balanced. Another therapy that is currently being tested is Mentalization Based Therapy (MBT).  MBT forces the patient to stop and look at their thoughts before acting, asking them to take others into account. A major problem with borderlines that cause emotional eruptions is hypermentalization, or the misreading of social cues that cause spiraling negative thoughts and can cause the borderline to self-harm or have suicidal thoughts. Using DBT and MBT, or pieces of each therapy that work with the individual client, show to greatly improve the daily life of the borderline personality and their ability to cope with urges and impulses caused by their emotions.  Learning the ability to cope with these symptoms gives the client diagnosed with BPD increased functionality.  Maintaining some sort of stability and control through medication, counseling, and skills learned from the various therapies gives hope to the hopeless, and the strength to overcome the darkest moments when suicidal thoughts would have been the norm.

The pervasive instability of the emotionally dysregulated BPD patient is not the hopeless cause it has often been regarded as.  Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental illness that can be treated with monitored medication and counseling rooted in humanistic theory, continued psychotherapy, other forms of therapies such as DBT and MBT, or a mixture thereof that best suits the patient.  Not the monsters they are commonly believed to be, patients with Borderline Personality Disorder can overcome the worst of their symptoms and learn to control their urges  in a safe, secure, and emotionally validating environment.  Using a variety of counseling method skills on a daily basis that over time become part of their normal routine, those with Borderline Personality Disorder break the stigma thrust upon them by the very community that should be helpful to them.  Marsha Linehan created a groundbreaking counseling option which is remarkable in its own right, but coming forward and sharing her own story as a BPD sufferer shows others with the disorder that the stigma against them is unjustified, and that they as individuals and as a community can achieve wellness and help each other find a way to rewrite the characterization of the disorder.



Works Cited

Kernberg, O. F., & Michels, R. (2009). Borderline Personality Disorder. American Journal of Psychiatry, 505-508.

Lillenfield, S. O., & Arkowitz, H. (2012, January 4). Diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder is often flawed. Retrieved from Scientific American:

National Alliance on Mental Illness. (n.d.). Mental Illnesses: Borderline Personality Disorder. Retrieved from National Alliance on Mental Illness:

National Institute of Mental Health. (n.d.). Borderline Personality Disorder. Retrieved from National Institute of Mental Health:

Sarkis, D. S. (n.d.). Borderline Personality Disorder: Big Changes in the DSM-5. Retrieved from Psychology Today:


A Bookish Act of Kindness

The book fair at my sons’ elementary/middle school is next week (and of course I’ll be working it because books), and it’s buy one get one free. I’m going to talk to the administration at the school to see if they know of any children who could use a present, or teachers who could use books for their classrooms. I’ll be buying a bunch of books and will give them away during the Christmas fair and/or buy a bunch, take them home and wrap them, and take them to the school for them to give teachers/students.

If you’d like to help, let me know.

Things I am Thankful For

I have a lot to be thankful for this year. 

I’ve taken it upon myself to get better. I’ve worked extremely hard the past two years, and this year has been a testament to the effort I’ve given to be better. 

I’m better mentally, getting better physically, and as a person, I’ve become so much better as well. 

I’ve tackled mental illness and anxiety, making strides I never thought possible. Because of these efforts, I’ve been given opportunities that I’ve waited ten years for – only this time I’m ready, willing, and most importantly, able. 

By focusing on myself, my relationships with others haven’t suffered, but actually gotten better. 

I’m thankful for my friend Becca, who has been there at one in the morning telling me I was worth it when I wanted to end it all. Friends like that are rare and beautiful and I will never be able to put into words her worth to me. I just hope I can be half as decent as a friend as she is to me.

My gigantic family who has supported me and been excited and proud of me just keep pushing me toward excellence I know I can acheive, even though I was lost there for a while.

I’m thankful for Random Acts, Misha Collins, and Osric Chau for restoring my faith in humanity and making me want to get out there and just do nice things, crazy things, and throw social norms out the window – teaching me that being ‘me’ is a good thing and I shouldn’t apologize for it or try to be anyone else. 

My new friends from tumblr are kind of fantastic and I don’t know what I’d do without them at this point – and we’ve never met in person. One day, though maybe. At a Con. ;) 

And every Thanksgiving, I have to thank April Camarena, as well as Melissa and Jamie who were there for me when things could have gone very badly. The sit-and-wait to find out if I was going to live or die with the clot in my lung was a lot easier to handle when I had my 173rd ladies, wine, and April’s kitchen to stress-bake 500 cookies for our boys in Afghanistan. I will be forever grateful for your friendship. Can you believe it’s been SiX years? And I’m still here. And you’re still amazing.

New friends, old friends, those Army buddies still sticking around, and those who aren’t here for me to make a chocolate cake for this Thanksgiving and then have him punch me and be an ass; you’re thought of often and fondly, and missed every day. Especially that scumbaggio that had to go be a hero. 

I hope your holiday is great, safe, and full of good food and love.

Remember the reasons for these holidays and break from negative traditions.

As someone who is living on borrowed time, I for one am going to appreciate those people and things that mean the most to me. 

Happy Thanksgiving. 

Proud to Be: Writing By American Warriors Vol. 2

Proud to Be: Writing By American Warriors Vol. 2

The second volume of collected works written by veterans and family members of the US Armed Forces was launched in St. Louis on Friday, the 15th. In attendance at the evening launch at the St. Louis Public Library Central Branch (a beautiful building that has recently completed renovation) was military historian and writer John C. McManus, representatives of the Warriors Arts Alliance and the Missouri Humanities Council, veterans from Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan and their family members. Some of the contributors to the anthology that were in attendance read their pieces, or excerpts thereof. 

This collection of essays, interviews, poetry, and short fiction gives a glimpse into the experiences of the veterans during war time, their transition back to home life, and dealing with PTSD from both the veteran’s and family member’s perspectives. 

Submissions are currently open for the third volume, tentatively set for publication in November 2014. 


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